One of the most effective tools I’ve learned in my journey both personally and as a professional relationship coach is reframing the idea that I am not enough. For most of my life I thought not being enough was a “bad” thing until I realized, through lots of therapy and work, that it can actually be a wonderful thing if I allow it to be. See, we’re never going to be enough for others. No matter how hard we try, we will let others down, we will fall short of their expectations and we will not be able to meet all of their needs in a relationship. And that’s ok. Because we’re not supposed to be all things to all people. If someone feels I’m not enough, they’re right! I’m not enough…for them. I am, however, enough for me and that’s what matters the most.
This reframe allows me the space to see that being enough isn’t about meeting other people’s expectations, but rather it’s about being true to who I want to be, owning my shit when I make a mistake and learning from it and showing up in my connections as authentically as I know to be in any given moment.
Even as I write this, I wonder how many people will agree or disagree with me. I wonder how many who read this will think I’m a nutter or that I’m stupid. But, I’m ok with those who don’t agree with me because they’re just as entitled to their truth as I am to mine and you are to yours. Because being enough isn’t about others, it’s about us. And you’re absolutely enough just as you are.