Autonomy is defined as self directing freedom and moral independence as well as the quality or state of being self-governing. With that in mind, I consider myself a Relationship Autonomist because I believe it’s up to the individuals involved in a given relationship to define its structure and dynamics and no one else. The term Relationship Autonomy came to me as I struggled with the language around Relationship Anarchy. For me, anarchy represents chaos and disorder as well as an absence of personal responsibility. That’s not to say that everyone who aligns with Relationship Anarchy feels this way, it’s simply not my personal preference for the language around how I want to connect with others.

So why Relationship Autonomy? I mean, do we really need another term in the world? Well…yes. The language we use is integral to the way we see ourselves and the way we connect with others. When I think about the kinds of connections I am opening myself up to, anarchy feels chaotic while autonomy feels expansive, inviting and welcoming. It celebrates the independence of both the individuals and the relationship. It allows for the people involved to grow together while also setting healthy boundaries around who has a say in it, thereby creating a structure that allows for all involved to show up as their most authentic selves and love in a way that’s unique to them in a safe and connection that honors personal responsibility and freedom, our sovereignty and the mutual growth available to us in our relationships.

Just like anything else in this wonderful world, this might not be for everyone but if it is for you I hope it provides you with a deeper understanding of yourself and how you want to connect with others in all of your relationships.